Skip to content

>Red Writing Hood, #2

July 23, 2010

>Or, the second foray into fiction.

If you’re curious, you can read our instructions for this week’s meme at The Red Dress Club.

The abandoned magazine she grabbed off a bench and used to shield her face offered little more shelter than a sodden hat.

Oblivious, she continued. Slowly pacing, back and forth, her eyes to the ground. Her pink polyester uniform clung to her legs, hindering her steps.

The afternoon darkened further and a distant rumble curdled the air. Glancing up, her pace quickened. Darting now, among the trees, the magazine left behind. Searching.

Persistent rivers coursed over the paths and the sidewalk. Under benches. Everywhere mud.

Frantic, her tears mixed with the rain. Thunder rumbled, and again.

Lightening split the darkened sky. Startled, her scream faded to a wail. She stumbled, falling to one knee and tearing her hose on the loose gravel of the path. On her hands and knees she continued, what she sought invisible in the downpour and the dark. On her feet again, she ducked under a branch, and tripped again.

This time she lay as she fell, her anguish mixing with the rain. The droplets hit the pavement so hard they bounced. As if it were raining upward.


“Roz, it came.”

She plunked down on the bench next to her friend. The early sun giving no hint of the storm that would be over the little town in just hours.

“Well, sugar, show me then! Y’all been dyin’ for this for how long now?” Humidity defied the morning cool and settled over the grass of the park.

“Oh, don’t say it that way! Dying.” She shivered, reaching into her worn bag. The strap held with a safety pin, a split seam exposed fragile lining. She pulled out a small package wrapped in paper.

“Why’d they send it to you? Why’d they even keep it?” Roz fanned herself with a magazine she found on the bench, sweating in the humid air.

“I keep trying to figure that out. Why me? Why now?” She unwrapped it slowly and there it lay on her palm. Heavy for its size. The sun innocently glinted off the metal.

“Hey yuh allllll!” A shrill voice from behind caused them both to jump. Without turning, Joan stuffed the parcel back in her purse..

“Shari-Lynn” Roz nodded to the other woman. All three in matching pink, polyester uniforms. An embroidered hanky on the breast-pocket. Aprons, neatly pressed.

“Would y’all look at the time, Bud be unlocking the door any second. We ought to git on over there.” Shari patted her bottle-blonde hair and tugged the silver strap of her bag higher on her shoulder.

With that, the three turned and crossed the grass and the street beyond to the small cafe that was just coming alive for the early rush. Coffee and bacon and yeserday’s fries perfumed the spring morning.

Keeping counsel with their own thoughts, they crossed to the door.

Not hearing the tiny chime of metal hitting pavement.

Not seeing the glint as it rolled from the sidewalk into the high grass under the trees.

12 Comments leave one →
  1. July 23, 2010 3:58 pm

    >The raw emotions are leaving me feeling a little raw myself 🙂 Loved your descriptions! So good!

  2. July 23, 2010 4:15 pm

    >Wow. I really want to know what was in that package!! At first I thought you had to make someone be hurt, but I love the twist you put on it. Excellent writing.

  3. July 23, 2010 5:37 pm

    >You certainly have a way with words. I wish I knew what was in the package!

  4. July 23, 2010 6:44 pm

    >Great job! I loved how the emotion came through in the first part and how the weather played into that. I'm dying to know what was in the box!

  5. July 23, 2010 7:38 pm

    >I also enjoyed the twists in your story. I also liked the dialect/accents, almost in a subtle way, causing the setting to also be a character or element in your story. Could feel the humidity as well. I also wrote a red dress meme post! Family Secrets

  6. July 24, 2010 12:52 am

    >This is awesome, Adelle! You did such a great job!

  7. July 24, 2010 6:28 pm

    >I want to keep reading please…..

  8. July 24, 2010 8:48 pm

    >I like this, b/c the dialogue was so rich. In just a few words, I could get to know your characters. That was superbly done. Enjoyable to read, and I want to know what happens next!This was really a great try for fiction, just great.

  9. July 25, 2010 2:57 pm

    >Really nice job. I felt my chest tighten while she searched in the storm, felt her loss. Good work!

  10. July 25, 2010 3:38 pm

    >Excellent job, Adelle! Love the dialogue, love the mystery. Very fun to read and of course I want to know about the charm or whatever it was!!!

  11. July 26, 2010 3:48 am

    >Your descriptions are wonderful! I'm with everyone else, it dragged me in and made me wanna know what the package was!

  12. July 28, 2010 1:33 am

    >Curse you – what's in the box?!

I love comments! Go ahead. Give me a piece of your mind.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: