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>On Parenting

September 8, 2010

>Have you ever had one of those days when the last bedroom door shut for the night and, looking back over the day you’ve had, all you can think is…

I stink as a parent.

I royally, extraordinarily, stink.

Yeah, it’s been that kind of day. I feel like popp. My 7 year old threw a zinger at me tonight that I’m sure was meant to sting, but it was more like a dagger straight to the heart. I kept my cool – at least I did that right – knowing this time will not be the last. He meant to hurt me. And he did.

It feels like everyone else has it so much easier. I know they don’t, but it sure as heck feels that way right now.

I am a wilting pile of garbage. There is nothing for me but to go to bed, after spending some time on my knees, and pray that tomorrow is a better day.

This is one of those posts that I wrote in the heat of the moment, but had to let it cool off for a few weeks before posting. This didn’t happen yesterday, but, it did happen. I managed to crawl out of bed the next day and once again, as always, His mercies are new every morning.

On we go. One foot in front of the other. In the end, we pray that it will be our good moments that leave a greater mark.

When was the last time you had a night like this? How do you move on? How easy is it for you to forgive yourself?

2 Comments leave one →
  1. September 8, 2010 4:14 pm

    >You know what I love about that little bit of song you quoted? Where it's from in the Bible. We sing the chipper song on Sunday mornings "The steadfast love of teh Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end, they are new every morning…" never realizing that those verses come straight out of a chapter of the Bible where Jeremiah is basically ripping out his soul in front of the Lord. Those few verses that we get our song from are the only positive parts in the book. So what do I take from this? That God is faithful in the midst of our struggle. That sometimes trusting God and taking comfort in Him is a choice, something we have to remind ourselves of when we're at our lowest. That sometimes when I'm feeling furthest from Him all I can do is recite His promises to Him and myself, because I know that His promises never fail. I can go back to my misery, but I can choose to remember the good even when I'm far from it.Lamentations 3: 21-33Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD. It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young. Let him sit alone in silence, for the LORD has laid it on him. Let him bury his face in the dust— there may yet be hope. Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him, and let him be filled with disgrace. For men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.

  2. September 8, 2010 8:05 pm

    >When my kids say things to hurt me, I remember that if they didn't love me so much, they wouldn't try so hard to hurt me. We often are more comfortable hurting the people closest to me. I tell them that they may feel like that now, but I know that they love me and they'll realize it again in time.

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