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I Hate This Part

December 8, 2010

I stand silently at the end of the hallway and wait. Listening.

I hate this part. I hate this part.

Time to get it over with. I pad down the hallway, slowly. My hand on the door handle, sweaty.

Surely the walls are shaking with rhythm of my pounding heart.

The room is dim. I employ a trick from Nancy Drew and close my eyes first before stepping into the darkness. I can barely make out the shapes within the room.

The dresser, drawers akimbo. Animals spill from their designated basket.

I step on a LEGO and stifle a scream, before reaching to pluck the plastic embedded in my heel. Razor blades would be less painful.

I hate this part. I hate this part.

I’m in position. It’s now or never – I’m committed. If I stop, or stumble, or even sneeze, all could be lost. I am shaking with the burden – an entire belief system sits in the palm of my hand. If I fail, like dominos the others will tumble under doubt and disbelief.

I lean forward, breathing in the smell of boy: shampoo, tarmac, and Oreos – the crumbs still lingering on one cheek.

With one hand I reach – a split second of panic: It’s not there! But then, I have it. The other hand, in the same movement, replaces what I sought with my full palm and I quickly turn to escape.

Pulling the door behind me and taking my first breath. Relief. It is done, till the next time. Childhood has been preserved, at least for today.

She has made her appearance, claimed her prize, and left her gift in return.

The last of the evidence, a fragile piece of ivory, is flushed away forever. I kept the first, of course, but the others – there is no need.

For me, it was the Easter Bunny that took down the wall between childhood and reality. I remember the day so clearly. I know it is coming, and soon, but till then, I’ll do what I can to keep their world rose-colored and magical, filled with fantasy and imagination.

A world full of Santas and sleighbells and elves oh-so-merry; bunnies at Easter and fairies who steal through the night.

Lavender Fairy, Cicily Mary Barker

5 Comments leave one →
  1. December 8, 2010 5:25 pm

    >That was so well written I sat up in anticipation. Very cute and descriptive way to describe a magical part of childhood. Nice job successfully making the switch!

  2. December 8, 2010 6:09 pm

    >Enjoy each every one of those precious moments.Blessings,andrea

  3. August 15, 2012 5:20 am

    Love, love, love! Oh, to keep the magic of childhood alive! It dwindles with each day they grow bigger, taller, older, wiser … but just to keep them little for one more day!

  4. August 17, 2012 12:40 am

    ADORE! Nicely written to share without sharing! =)


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