Responding to My Own Challenge: Scared
Let the chicken games begin.
I am a stick in the mud.
I crave routine. I crave same-ness.
I drive the same route to all my familiar places. When we order Chinese, I always order Cashew Chicken. I get ready in the morning and ready for bed in an organized, orderly manner, doing the same tasks the same way, every time.
I don’t experiment, I don’t mix it up. A free-spirit I am assuredly not. (Except for shoes – for shoes, I’ll step out…)
I do what works. I always lean towards the safe side.
The thing is – I have a book rattling around in my noggin but I have yet to put pen to paper and formally begin fleshing it out. Why? Because I can just keep submitting articles and a few will get published. I can just keep writing blog posts and a few people will read them and comment. I can do a speaking engagement here and there and maybe a few people will get something out of it. But a book – that’s scary. There are so many unknowns. I’m not good enough. I’m not smart enough. Not enough people like me…
It’s easier to ignore The Book and keep doing what I know. Instead of perhaps what God is calling me to do. Yet, it rears its ornery little head all the time. Chance conversations with friends, the random pile of books on my nightstand, interviews on the radio – everything is calling me to this subject. Yet have I begun? Nope.
Even writing this down in a blog post –if I fail, if I never write it, or it’s never published, everyone will know that I failed instead of me just secretly failing in private. Am I brave enough to risk the attempt? Not so far.
There it is – my attempt at Social Chicken is to admit that I’m a chicken.
Now you know.
Who’s next?
Adelle Gabrielson 
I believe in YOU!
I believe in you too!
Ok, here’s mine. I’m often afraid people don’t like me. Oh, I know they like me well enough to be happy when I’m around and enjoy my company if we’re together, but when it always seems like I’m the one to make the call to make the plans to make the dinner or date for drinks, it’s hard to feel like people like me as much as I like them. I’m usually the first to pick up the phone to check in and see how their day was , because I thought about them during my day. So all that adds up to a ball of insecurity that threatens at times to bowl me over that I’m too much, too big, too present, too ME, and the people I like don’t like it. I’m not bothered enough to try and change, to be honest I wouldn’t know where to start if I wanted to. I don’t know any other way be but to be me, and so at times I get afraid that people don’t like me and are just rio nice to tell me to get a life. Then I go to my hubby and ask him to tell me something good, or read Psalm 139 and reflect that Good made my personality big, dang it, and while He’s pruned the thorns I’m far from a wilting flower, and I do fine…until the next unreturned phone call, or next get-together I hear about secondhand. Then I start all over again.
See? The notorious over-sharer strikes again!
Christy – I find it SO hard to believe that there is an ounce of insecurity in you at all! You cover it very well. Stick with those of us that like your big personality and don’t worry about the other guys…xoxo
Oh, yeah – I totally get this. Same fear, same hang-ups. Though I’m not as much a creature of routine and I don’t step out for shoes. (If you saw my shoes, you’d KNOW this is oh-so-true!) {smile}
Loved this post. Take courage, take a step. You’ll get there.
Adelle, take it from someone who fights fears everyday. The easiest way to overcome it is to step out in an area of strength. You have a gift for language and communicating. It is your strength. By all means use it. If there is an area where you don’t feel like you measure up, there is a wonderful verse in the Bible reminding us that God’s strength is made perfect in weakness. Rely on him to give you that which you need. I hope you write the book he created you to write.
I KNOW you can do it.
Don’t be too hard on yourself because you let the usual important things delay you. Your sons, your ministries, and your husband are the most important story you are writing; and you are doing an excellent job.
This I love, because it’s totally true. You’re a good daddy, Papa Stone!
I’ve learned over time that failing doesn’t actually kill you. It sucks, but you don’t actually die. And you learn stuff–important stuff that makes you better in different ways. Have you failed at a bunch of stuff already? It doesn’t seem like it, so embrace the fact that there is a good chance that you will fail. Perhaps that would take some of the danger out of it. And if you never got a book done, some other writing certainly would come out of it. I wonder if you are considering fiction or non-fiction? Turn off the whole publication piece, and just write. (I’m all sounding like publication isn’t scary, which is a lie. But they don’t own us or our ideas, we do).