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Cracks in My Varnish

June 28, 2011

You know that feeling you get when everything has been going really great for a while, and you’ve got it all under control, and the cupcakes turned out great and the party was awesome and you even got all the thank-you notes written and and and… and then it starts to crumble?

Little hairline cracks.

Everything isn’t so stable, so serene.

The unexpected bend in the road.

The kids are tired.

I’m tired.

Everyone, including me, is acting out today.

Everything was going so WELL!

And now it’s not. I rage for a bit, and then remember…I don’t have to do this alone. It’s not my job to make this better. I am not driving the bus.

I raise my hand meekly. Please God? Help?

And I take a deep breath.

And find some of that inner peace that kicks the inner You Stink to the curb.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. melody halfenger permalink
    June 28, 2011 11:01 am

    I think that it takes so much effort for everything to go perfectly (sometimes without us even realizing it) that there is that point when things start to crack. Just think how boring life would be if everything did go smoothly all the time! Okay maybe not THAT boring. I think melt downs are like a spring rain. We act out, cry, yell and then we reach out to God It is then that we see the sun peeking through the clouds and the rain stops and we feel cleansed. Em is coming home from a weekend at Disneyland today and I know she is exhausted. She spent three days going non-stop and three nights in a room with four other girls and I expect some storms tonight when she finally gets home and can just let go in the privacy of her own home. I am prepared for that and so I have already started praying that I don’t get inpatient or take it personally when she is not using her nicest voice with me. Thank you God that we never have to handle these things alone.

    • June 28, 2011 11:27 am

      Melody – you are so wise! I SHOULD have been prepared for it. My Pollyanna-brain just thinks that when things are good, they’ll ALWAYS be good and then I’m crushed when it stops. I should just expect it’s always going to be a rollercoaster and be happy when we’re on the upswing.

      Someday, maybe I’ll learn…

  2. June 28, 2011 2:33 pm

    I like your writing – the day you describe is so typical, but as you said we just need to “breathe”. Your ‘bus’ analogy reminds me of my own saying, when I need to be reminded that someone much ‘bigger’ than me is in control. I say “If I’m in control, I’m in trouble”.

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