Lessons Learned: Life in 140 Characters

If you want to get somewhere quickly with a four year old in tow, suggest a race. Let them win.

When someone else’s kid is mean to your kid, you have two choices: bash their face in, or help your child build character by being kind to the unkind. The first would be more fun, but the latter will be better in the long run.

Soup seems harder than it is. It is forgiving, a great place to hide vegetables, and it’s faster than you think.

You may scoff at the mania over The Hunger Games series, but you will not be able to pick up and continue with your life until you’re done. Just accept that.

When you are dealing with illness, surgery, or some other family crisis and people offer to bring you dinner, SAY YES, STUPID!

Rose bushes are lovely when tastefully incorporated into a broader landscape of color. But come February, you will hate them, and hate every dadgum thorn as you bully them into spiny winter nudity. Avoid the pruning? You will be oh-so-sorry the following year. It’s not worth it, and your blood loss will be twice as great. I speak (ouch!) from experience.

“Mom? Trolls eat socks. But only the left ones. Just so you know.”

Kids are mean. It’s jiust the way it is. But brothers are forever, and no one can ever take that away.