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In Which I am Heartless and Mean

March 2, 2012

Every night, almost, I kiss Scoob on his downy head and whisper:

“You know I’m not trying to torture you, right?”

Because, all too often, if not every day, he is convinced that I am the worst mom in the WHOLE WORLD.

Because, all too often, if not every day, I make him wash his hands.

Brush his teeth.

TAKE A SHOWER! (I know. *gasp*)


I make him MISERABLE.

This morning, I was heartless enough to make Scrappy wear a long-sleeved shirt. It was 39 degrees outside. He wanted to go with short sleeves, thankyouverymuch. Who was I to insist otherwise?

I fought the battle a while, and finally, came to my senses after he stumbled out the front door howling in rage for all the world to hear.

“Ok, fine. Take off your coat. Take off the long-sleeved shirt.”

I buckled him in wearing nothing but his t-shirt. He got really, really quiet as we drove to school.

Pretty soon I heard some rustling in the back seat. He was squirming back into said long-sleeved shirt.

“Whatcha doin’ buddy? Did you change your mind?”



“Was Mommy trying to be mean by making you wear a long-sleeved shirt?”


Game, set and match. I tried not to look too smug.

Yesterday, I stopped to visit Scoob on the playground. He was having a snack. His hands were BLACK. Black-top black.

“Dude, that is disgusting. How can you stand to eat like that?!”

More dimples. Those dang dimples.

“A boy’s a boy, mom. You can’t change that.”

If that ain’t the story of my life…

And so, I continue to seek out opportunities to ruin their lives, torture them, and make them miserable.

Someday they’ll get it, maybe even today. If only for five minutes, but that’s enough.

I started the day as the enemy, but am ending it as mom.

Kira Hagenbuch Monica Timeline of a First-Ever Sleepover

8 Comments leave one →
  1. Bethany Hall Fitelson permalink
    March 2, 2012 9:27 am

    Love it. Your boys are so clever, and you’re a great mom!

  2. March 2, 2012 10:12 am

    Ruin their lives today, build their lives for the future…or something profound like that. 🙂

    When I have kids, my #1 goal is to embarrass the crap out of them at every opportunity. I think I’ll be successful.

  3. March 2, 2012 10:21 am

    They are too cute, and I’m sure the torture only gets worse (as far as they are concerned). We boy moms are in this together…and I have a cherry on top with a pre-teen girl to boot. 🙂

  4. March 2, 2012 10:59 am

    I love it. “A boy’s a boy mom, you can’t change that” – ain’t that the truth? Such wisdom. Thanks for sharing!

  5. dreampengyscp permalink
    March 2, 2012 1:23 pm

    Ha! And I thought Shane was the only boy that came home with “black top” hands! 🙂

  6. Lynnie permalink
    March 2, 2012 10:34 pm

    Adelle – Thank you for lightening [and in many cases – “en” – lightening]
    *smile* my world.

    Evil – Evil Mommie – Well Played! Lyn

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