We’re Gonna Miss This (Really, We Are)
Hurry, hurry, busy, hurry, hurry. Every day the same.
My life is so very full of things – especially now, it seems. Somehow, I thought when the boys were babies that it would get easier and in many ways, it has.
But not in every way. In oh, so many ways, it’s harder. Our schedule is tighter, the amount of down-time is less. Most evenings we race into the house after 6pm, to shovel food into hungry mouths (never mind that mythical “family dinner” concept – have you tried having a conversation with three hungry guys? Not possible.) simultaneously bathing, correcting homework, emptying the dishwasher, gathering up all the loose ends and finally tucking them into bed, what seems like, only minutes later, then summoning the wherewithal to have a meaningful moment with each other before saying goodnight. *gasp* Blink once, and it’s 9:30, and my 5am wake-up call feels just minutes away. We rush to bed so we can get up and do it all over again.
While older children are more self-sufficient – they can pour their own glasses of milk (but they don’t always), make their own lunch (but they don’t always), bathe and dress themselves (pretty much always, thank goodness). They let the dog in and out, feed the cat, help around the house…I even bribe them – screen time for walking the dog. Shouldn’t that make it easier? Shouldn’t there be more time?
Those long, leisurely evenings of cuddling on the couch, watching Noddy on the Good Night Show until 7pm and then leisurely singing and Bible-reading them to bed….where or where have they gone?
Those Canaan days, we used to know, where have they gone, where diiiiiiid they go…
There is so much more. And we aren’t even CLOSE to being a “busy” family. We keep a tight rein on these schedules, carefully adding and eliminating to maintain balance, but when you have two…it’s everything times two. What choice do we have?
Stepping back, taking stock, and a big, deep breath in and out. This too, this busy, shall pass. I accept that this, too, is a phase. It will be over before we know it. There will, one day, be long, slow, leisurely evenings on the couch, and there will be no one to tuck into bed but Gabe and the dog.
The paradise we long for, the promised land we dream of— it’s already here. This is it, all of it. The big things, little things, easy things and big, hairy, hard things. It’s all part of the beauty, the mysterious beauty of parenthood.
When I think of “tired” I always think of this photo. This is the most tired I’ve ever been in my entire life. It’s about two weeks into that little life that began eight years ago. He was early, and small, and dear Lord, that baby cried. All. The. Time. I wanted to smile for this picture, I remember that. But I was too tired.
Would I go back to that day and do it over? To hold that tiny, bird-like baby against my skin for another hour, another day? With all the tired, and sore, and drippy, swollen, mess that is new motherhood?
In a heartbeat.
We long for each phase to be over, only to cry for it once it’s gone.
Me? I’m going to go home and try to appreciate what few minutes I do have with the boys tonight.
I’m not going to think about the laundry that needs folding, or how messy their rooms are.
I’m not going to worry about the dog hair, the dishes, or the errands I need to run tomorrow.
I’m going to admire the LEGO creations and the drawings of volcanoes and dragons and dismemberment, and really mean it when I say that they are amazing.
I’m going to listen to the silly jokes, and laugh even though I’ve heard them all before.
I’m going to look them in the eye and really listen.
I’m going to see them, and memorize their faces just as they are at this moment.
I’m going to breathe them in, boy smells and all.
Because deep down, as much as this is such a hard place in life, I know that one day, I’m going to miss this.
You’re gonna miss this
You’re gonna want this back
You’re gonna wish these days hadn’t gone by so fast
These Are Some Good Times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you’re gonna miss this
Trace Adkins, “You’re Gonna Miss This“
Have you found your promised land or do you long for the next phase?
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