Skip to content

Not For Sale

February 11, 2013

It can’t be bought on Amazon.

Or in the grocery store.

It’s not available for download, and you won’t find it in your closet, your cupboard, or your fridge.

I’ll be the first to admit that I love me some good retail therapy. There is nothing that can pull me out of a slump so fast as a sale at DSW. But that happy – it doesn’t last. When retail therapy is used inappropriately, like any addictive substance that is used to medicate or mask a symptom, it doesn’t last. The rebound effects can be devastating. The guilt. The shame. The debt…

And the children, they are watching. They are always watching. They see when we self-soothe with things instead of thoughts. While I have every belief that ice-cream can be therapeutic when you’re five, or eight, or eleven, it can’t fix everything. The happy? It doesn’t last.

There are some salves that can’t be bought online, or in a store. They have a lighter price…

I want my kids to know that joy, like grace, is freely given.

In abundant measure, without limits, or cost, it is available to them for the having. I want to show them that joy can be had during days of deepest sorrow, and greatest delight. Joy is not an outcome, or a result, but rather, it is a choice. Free for the taking. It is present in every moment if we only just stop and seek it…in the blue of the sky, the warmth of the sun, or in the iridescent shine of a bubble on the wind. It is in the smell of a boy, freshly washed, and the warmth of a cat in the lap. It is in the even in-and-out-breath of someone you trust so wholly as to lay down beside them every night, and walk beside them every day. Joy is present in bare-toes-in-the-grass, daffodils-in-spring, Saturday-morning-sleepy. In the days following my mother’s death, joy was still there. It was in the photos-smiling from album pages that we read and while we cried. It was in the tear-soaked quilt of her bed, and the kindness of friends and colleagues and even strangers who bore witness to our grief as we said goodbye. There was joy in the fringed-edged shawl I wrapped myself in as we laid her to rest, the very velvet that had wrapped her shoulders once, and joy in the days and weeks and months after, every time childish-boy-arms wrapped my waist when tears bubbled up unbidden, unchecked.

There is joy in grief. Joy in suffering. Joy in happiness. Joy in compassion, and giving, and grace.

It is everywhere, if we only take the time to stop and soak it in. Freely given. Freely received.

Unlike the happy,
it will never run out,
it will never fade,
it can never be taken away.


6 Comments leave one →
  1. pastordt permalink
    February 11, 2013 8:38 pm

    Beautiful, Adelle. Thank you for it.

  2. February 11, 2013 8:45 pm


  3. Bethany Fitelson permalink
    February 11, 2013 9:08 pm

    I remember your dad asking me when I was younger, probably college age, if I knew the difference between joy and happiness. I understood what he meant, but also knew that he was living it out in a way I couldn’t imagine. I will always admire and love him for that.

  4. Christi McGuire permalink
    February 12, 2013 1:48 pm

    Ohhh, beautiful …. I SO needed this!


  1. Resources For Sharing God's Word With Your Sons - The MOB Society

I love comments! Go ahead. Give me a piece of your mind.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: